Depression Stinks

Your Brain On Psilocybin Might Be Less Depressed : Shots - Health Blog : NPR

2012-01-24T17:31:00.000-05:00

Your Brain On Psilocybin Might Be Less Depressed : Shots - Health Blog : NPR

This is an interesting study, although the headline is really premature. The idea of treating depression by depressing the parts that cause depression is pretty intriguing.

Warm fuzzies

2011-11-21T18:26:00.001-05:00

Another anecdote about dismissing depression as irrelevant:

I attended a large healing ritual being orchestrated by a well-known practitioner at an interfaith conference. Before the actual work began, she went to each participant and asked them what, if any, healing they were seeking for themselves or for people who could not be present. Some had no need, but there were no small number of people needing help for issues large and small, ranging from muscle aches to serious cancer. Then, she got to me.

"I suffer from depression," I told her.

"Oh, we'll take care of you at the end, during the 'warm fuzzies,'" she told me.

The ritual was conducted in several phases, with the participants collectively focusing prayer, will, and psychic/magical energies for the healing of various conditions, organized by general type. It was an emotionally and physically grueling experience for everyone involved.

The "warm fuzzies" portion of the ritual was, it turned out, a group hug while collectively singing a whimsical song; only two or three of the attendees actually knew the words. The group swayed in a rough approximation of time to the music.

Despite the fact that it destroys lives and even kills people, this nitwit decided that it could be cured with a group hug.

Ye gods.

Dismissing diagnoses of depression

2011-11-20T16:53:00.001-05:00

Sometimes it's liberating to have a formal diagnosis of depression, or even to self-diagnose, because it can bring the symptoms into focus. Depression is an illness that transcends the artificial barrier we place between mind and body; it begs for a single word that describes both concepts so as to avoid the idea that "it's in your head."

Of course, it is in your head. Once, when I was explaining it to a friend, I said, "I know that if I make a conscious decision not to be paralyzed by this, it will happen. I know that emotions drive physical reactions, and physical states likewise elicit emotions, like how smiling can make you feel happier and being happy can make you smile. I know all these things, but it doesn't make it easier to decide to stop feeling this way."

Later, my friend said to me, "You're that way because you let it . . . whether you use the excuse of you can't help it or not, you control your mind and body, nobody else."

I don't disagree, but I found his position dismissive. Yes, I control it all, but we have yet to determine exactly how depression controls me. Why is it that understanding this concept isn't enough to cure me permanently? I don't accept that I'm defeatist. It's too pat an answer.

Rather, I suspect that some people are simply more susceptible to these kinds of physioemotional feedback loops than others. There's got to be a reason, a cause. I don't believe that anyone would choose -- even subconsciously -- to be miserable, any more than anyone would choose to be homosexual in a society that still largely disdains the practice of same-gender sexual gratification.

I don't talk about being depressed because I am weary of being dismissed as weak, or patronized because I am not strong, or sympathetically viewed as somehow flawed. Whether or not a specific event precipitates a depressive episode, the depression is not representative of a lack of willpower. I don't think I am alone in keeping to myself due to this widespread perception.

Depression: Recognizing the Physical Symptoms

2011-11-19T16:03:00.000-05:00

Depression: Recognizing the Physical Symptoms

Hmm, I've never thought about this before, but the sheer amount of muscle ache I've experienced in the past few days made me wonder.

Oh, those crazy backslides

2011-11-18T16:13:00.001-05:00

I started this blog to explore ways that people have used to help themselves or others with depression, and to discuss the experience of depression; my primary qualification being that I've suffered from it myself and emerged from its grip.

What a nice memory . . . it was nice being a person who could regard it in the past tense.

Sliding back into depression, crawling out, down and up and down again, is exhausting. Knowing that the feeling of powerlessness can be changed in an instant by simply changing one's mind is no solace if you simply can't do it.

Depression stinks.

Depression kills

2010-07-27T18:46:00.000-05:00

I recently renewed a friendship with a college friend, thanks to Facebook. We hadn't been in contact in over twenty years. Yesterday, I understand, he died by his own hand, a victim of lifelong depression.

He was not my closest friend, but that was more my fault than his. I got on nerves in college, and set teeth on edge. I was depressed, you see, and that made for an unpleasant personality. My friend Nick, though, didn't allow it to put him off entirely.

I guess I understand now that he understood me better than I did myself. He recognized in my the struggles he also faced.

The struggles that, at 43, finally did him in.

It scares the crap out of me to think that a man that so many loved, that so many relied on, that so many thought of as happy and kind, should succumb to this disease. What about the rest of us? If Nick fell, what can the rest of us hope for?

This is not my best day, so forgive me.

Some days, I have no patience

2010-06-27T10:23:00.000-05:00

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed is annoying as hell, and not just to the waker-upper. When you have no patience with people and you have to interact with others, the peevish, pissy, and pedantic behaviors come out in full force.

Everyone is a lot stupider all of a sudden
Nobody knows how to do things the right way
Friends are too cloying, close, and getting in your business
Friends are too distant, ignoring you when you need them
Let's not even talk about politicians

Shouldn't come as any surprise that loss of patience can be a symptom of depression. Like most symptoms, however, this one doesn't seem abnormal when you're suffering from it. That guy really did complain about his cappuccino being "too light" when he obviously should have ordered a latte if he wanted a lot of steamed milk. The woman laughing at every joke your best friend tells is obviously flirting with him and he is being a complete idiot by paying attention to her. Obama just doesn't get it about [fill in the blank]. It's all quite reasonable as it's happening.

Patience is a virtue, and a hard-earned one at that. On days like these, no one seems to deserve it, but look out for warning signs that it's more about you than them:

Rolling your eyes at a remark (even if you only think about rolling them)
Interrupting someone because you already know what they're going to say and they shouldn't waste their breath
Yelling at another driver in traffic
Yelling at another driver when you're the passenger
Noticing how rude or stupid that person was and really wanting to say something

If you've done anything like that or similar three times in the past hour, consider taking some time away from people. You're getting rubbed the wrong way and you're probably doing the same to them, and it's not fair to any of you. Smoke a cigarette if you're still addicted, meditate, go for a walk . . . just get away, break the pattern, and don't get sucked into choking the living crap out of that bastard who so desperately needs it.

Motivational problems in kids: clue about depression to come?

2010-06-25T10:46:00.000-05:00

Motivational problems in kids are probably an indicator of what may happen in the future. I don't have access to any of the studies on motivation and depression in kids that are out there, but I can share an anecdote.

In the fifth grade, I was ready to resume my place as one of the smart kids. I'd spent a year with a teacher who hated children so deeply that I have carried a dislike of tenure ever since, but this year I had a teacher whom I respected, and who liked me.

We were given a science assignment, the specifics I can't recall but my excitement over it I remember clearly. I actually took my teacher aside and asked him if there was a maximum word count, because I was afraid I would write too much.

Something happened, though, and it didn't turn out quite like I expected. I lost interest in the project, and I did the fifth-grade equivalent of "phoning it in." It was so poor, in fact, that my teacher took me out in the hall to talk to me about it. "You asked me for a maximum word count," he said, his disappointment showing in his every word, "but this is a minimum of a minimum! How can I accept this from you?"

I didn't have an answer for him. Sure, I had problems with a bully and a few kids who made fun of me from time to time, but that was nothing new. Family life wasn't perfect but the parents weren't beating us or preparing for a divorce. I had been hit, and hit hard, with a lack of motivation, and I had no clue why.

I can't fault my teacher or parents for not recognizing it in the 1970s, but I was showing early depressive symptoms. Not every child is lazy if they don't do the work, and not every child is suffering from vision problems (which I first got corrected in fifth grade, as a matter of fact) or reading disabilities. Some of them are having troubles which are completely beyond their comprehension.

The fact that "depression" means both "sad" and "serious condition affecting the brain" only adds to the confusion, making it more of a challenge for parents and teachers to tell the difference.

2009-10-20T21:12:00.002-05:00

I recently had the pleasure of reviewing Little Voice Mastery, and it was a very different read than most of my business book reviews. Although author Blair Singer is focused on helping people improve the bottom line, hit sales goals, and the like, this book has some real meat in it for the depressed person.

For example: on page 126, in the middle of a series of very specific techniques Singer suggests for quelling the nagging, doubting voices that echo in all of our heads, he offers a technique for shiftly one's mood quickly. It's a role play, and it will almost make anyone feeling depressed additionally feel stupid, but that's the little voice of the depression talking, so pay attention to me, not it.

In essence, the technique is one of having a dialogue with oneself, just asking questions about mood until one gets an answer. It's surprising how easy it is to get the subconscious to own up to how it feels if you just ask it a direct question or two. After you've identified your real mood (and we all know that sometimes the anger or sadness is masking something else), the exercise helps you pick another mood and try it out.

Emotions do really follow our direction. If you feel powerless to change, it's not because you're not capable - it's because that damned depression has convinced that you're impotent. Instead of dwelling on it, try a role play out. Just walk through the steps and follow the instructions carefully, so you have no choice but to succeed. You may be surprised that it was easier than you expected.

Business Leadership and Depression

2009-08-01T06:30:00.003-05:00

I read and review business books from time to time, and one thing that always comes up in them is leadership. You've got to stand out from the crowd, go against the grain, create a climate of change if you're going to succeed, they all say.

Really?

Business books target the people that want to be exceptional, want to make more money,want to share a special idea or way of doing things with the world - or so they say. But that makes it sound like depressed people aren't - or shouldn't be - in business.

Deep in the depths of depression, who can pick up a book about rallying the troops to victory and not feel inadequate? Designed to inspire, a lot of these books do the opposite for a depression suffererer - and the truth is, plenty of business owners wrestle with depression.

So how do depressed business people succeed? Do they? Can they grow their companies while neglecting themselves, or do both suffer if both are not addressed? I don't know the answers yet.

Do you own a business? Are you depressed? What do you do to make sure your business stays on track, even if you don't?

Depression Stinks Squidoo Lens

2009-03-16T19:47:00.003-05:00

I've created a Depression Stinks Lens on Squidoo. Right now it's got links to a basic course on happiness, posts from this blog, and an interesting article on hormones and depression. I would like to add book reviews and other material; please stop in here or there and leave some feedback about what you'd like to see.

Salt Linked to Depression

2009-03-16T19:27:00.002-05:00

I grew up in a family that loved salt - it was always handy in a shaker on the dinner table, and we added it to everything. I can remember the soups my mother made as being particularly salty, and how that made them particularly good. I've since given up adding salt to my foods, but I still enjoy a nice, salty bag of chips from time to time. Salt is an awfully satisfying experience for my tongue.

At the University of Iowa some researchers have posited that salt enhances mood, which certainly fits nicely into my own anecdotal experience. Rats were less likely to engage in pleasurable behaviors, such as drink sugary rat goodness, if their salt levels dropped too low. Between the researchers and me we've come up with a few observations about this:

Salt is a good conductor and probably affects brain function.
We evolved in a saline environment (the ocean), and have carried on with the same basic chemistry on land.
Our bodies and minds seek out more salt than we probably need, which could suggest addiction or a system that hasn't adapted to the relative abundance of salt we now have. It's not clear if the reason makes much of a difference in the result.
Mood elevation that's tied to salt consumption could be caused by the salt, but it also could be the other way around. Maybe the lack of salt causes anxiety, which is alleviated by eating salt and giving the body what it wants.

"One sign of addiction is using a substance even when it's known to be harmful. Many people are told to reduce sodium due to health concerns, but they have trouble doing so because they like the taste and find low-sodium foods bland."

Again, it could also be that it takes thousands of years for our bodies to adapt to changing circumstances - two thousand years ago the phrase "common table salt" would have been incomprehensible. The desire for salt could simply be an overexaggeration of a real need.

2008-12-21T08:30:00.002-05:00

Boy, is this ever a tough blog to keep up! When you're fully depressed, you don't want to right, and when you're fully well, you really can't explain much about how depression feels anymore. The best state of mind, it turns out, is that slightly annoyed and angry space.

Maybe this blog should be less about the disease and more about just letting sufferers rant? I'm not sure yet, but if you have an idea you'd like to share I'm certainly open to ways to keeping this running. I'll keep plugging along as best I can in the meantime, though.

Depression and Homeopathy

2008-05-02T06:25:00.002-05:00

I didn't go to a homeopath to have depression treated. Homeopathy doesn't really work that way, despite what the labels on the remedies at the health food store may lead you to believe.
Homeopathy is based on the principle that like cures like, but the word "like" can be complicated here. Remedies are created out of substances that are known to have effects on healthy humans (ranging from mercury and arsenic to lion's milk and wind flower), diluting them down again and again until they're theoretically unable to do much of anything. However, homeopathic theory states that these dilute forms will trigger an immune response the same as if the actual symptoms are present, and kick start the body into healing the causes of those symptoms.
Remedies are "proven" by being given to healthy adults, who track what symptoms manifest after they take them. This is how a given remedy gets the little bullet points on the bottle, like "runny nose" and "arthritis." In fact, though, a remedy may effect quite a few symptoms, and a trained homeopath will identify the remedy that addresses the largest number of symptoms her or she can.
When a remedy is the correct one for a patient, it will even address symptoms you didn't talk about with the homeopath, or that have been suppressed. You can tell this is happening because you may experience little flare-ups ("aggravations,: in the homeopathic vernacular), generally not as strong as the actual symptom and lasting only a day or two. I had what appeared to be poison ivy show up on my knuckle - it was where I got a really bad case about ten years ago, one that spread all over my body.
So I didn't go to a homeopath for depression, but I discovered a couple weeks later that my remedy was addressing suppressed depression. It was a remedy I was taking daily, and after a couple of days of short temper, lack of focus, and mood swings, I consulted with her and she reduced the frequency. The symptoms went away (thankfully), and I know that the little kernel of depression inside me is being chipped away at by my own immune system.
The real point here is that homeopathy is a powerful medicine, and should not be used by people suffering from depression without professional supervision! Taking a remedy for headaches could lead to a lot of problems for a depressed person. On the other hand, undergoing treatment by a trained homeopath could be the solution after long years of suffering.

The Dangerous Law of Attraction

2008-04-11T05:56:00.003-05:00

If you've seen the widespread movie The Secret, or you're a practitioner of magic(k), or you have really optimistic friends, you've probably heard about the law of attraction. What you think about, it says, is what you draw into your life.

This tends to work really well for your optimistic friends, who constantly brood over their fulfilling relationships, dwell on their prosperity, and languish in their joy. Not so easy if there's a festering, stinking black cloud worming its way into your soul, though.

This law certainly must work, because it doesn't discriminate. It rewards the positive thinker and punishes the pessimist. Suffering from depression makes this one a real kick in the jimmy, too, since thought=pain already; just realizing that your own negative thoughts could be drawing to you things that reinforce and justify themselves can make a person sink even deeper into the hole - why bother trying?

Break the Blame Cycle
Teaching depressed people about the law of attraction is a great idea - when they're not depressed. It may make them less likely to slip back in, if they can master the thoughts that keep them from the pit. But that's not how it works when the disease is making headway. If you're depressed and dwelling on how negative thoughts create a negative life, it's going to balloon out of control faster than you can imagine.

Don't stop and dwell on how the universe punishes you for suffering - put the brakes on that runaway train right now. Won't do you any good. If the law of attraction is keeping you down, first thing to do is ignore the law of attraction.

Here's what you get if you are depressed and think about the law of attraction:

Blaming the Universe for your problems
Blaming God for your problems
Blaming yourself for your problems

None of the blame solves anything, and it really doesn't matter why depression is happening anyway. There will be time to think about attracting things into your life when you have some positive thoughts. For now, you need to shove that idea out of your mind the way New Yorkers ignore a homeless person on the street.

Time Enough for Attraction Later
It should be clear that I consider depression to be a crafty opponent, one that's inside your head and whispering things to you that make you sink deeper into the pit. Everyone has to judge for themselves, but at the darkest hour I don't think you'll see a lot of success trying to think positive thoughts. There will be time to use the law of attraction later, once you're out of the current hole.

It should be possible, though, to change the subject of that conversation in your head. Don't think about (fill in the bad idea here) right now. Make up a shopping list or walk up and down the stairs ten times. Make a phone call or pet the cat. Anything to distract yourself from that one thought, just for now.

Small Steps
A big part of depression is being overwhelmed by the big picture. No big picture allowed here! Just stop thinking one negative thought by thinking about something neutral. There will be time for more another day. For now, setting aside that shovel with which you're digging that hole, just for a moment, should be enough.

Thought Becomes Deed

2007-10-08T18:20:00.000-05:00

I arrived at the diner and pulled my keys from the ignition with the same motion that had turned the vehicle off. As I slid out of the seat I slipped my hand into my pocket, confirming that my wallet was within. It wasn't.

I checked my other pockets, and then the spare pair of pants I had in my bag - although I hadn't worn them. I opened the glove compartment, checked under and behind the seats, and in all the pockets of my bag. The wallet just wasn't there.

Panic rose in my throat. Had I left it at work? Work was half an hour's drive, and closed for the night. Further, this was Sunday night, so they wouldn't be open again until Friday. It would really have been problematic if I had left my wallet there.

I took a breath, released it slowly. No, I decided, you left your wallet on the desk at home. I smiled, and grabbed the ten dollar bill I had discovered when I had been searching, and brought it with me. I had to be careful how much I ordered, but it was a fun time with my coworkers.

I found my wallet on my desk the next morning - it was half buried in a small pile of papers.

What am I getting at here, anyway?

Blue Monday

2007-01-22T10:45:00.000-05:00

This won't be a full post because my internet connection is spotty right now.

Today is Blue Monday, statistically the most depressing day of the year. Holiday bills, bad weather, and failed resolutions all combine to make it so.

So congratulations, no day this year will be as bad as this one!

Migraines and Depression

2007-01-13T10:06:00.001-05:00

I suffered from migraines as a child, and I became depressed as an adolescent. I would have thought it just bad luck, but a study suggests migraines and depression may both be linked to serotonin levels. I suppose I should have seen it coming, since it's kind of a dummy smack. My own anecdotal experience, now that I look at it, suggests a link between the worst headache ever invented and depression.

SSRIs are being prescribed as migraine preventatives in response to this area of research. The research suggests a link (47% of Migraineurs experience clinical depression as opposed to just 17% of the general population), but is not yet clear on whether one causes the other or not, or perhaps both are caused by the serotonin levels. I wouldn't be surprised if the serotonin imbalance itself was eventually proven to be a symptom only; however, I don't anticipate that being proven easily by science because of the difficulty of the scientific community in overcoming the body/mind link that depression and related illnesses straddle.

Solutions for SAD sufferers

2007-01-09T18:36:00.000-05:00

I found this amazing article about SAD suffering, which is reaching its peak now as the stress and joy of the holidays falls away, leaving us with cold, dark, and dreary (or, if you live in the Northeast, unseasonably warm, dark, and dreary). I was particularly interested in the supplement SAM-e, which I have heard of in passing only. It's refreshing when a medical site recognizes that non-drug treatments can be useful for addressing depression. This particular post gave me the impression that there was some commercial reason for the supplement's promotion, but I am going to do more research on my own and see if the research bears out the claims from this article.

My misgivings notwithstanding, I'm glad to see real research on treatments that may have less side effects. Of course not all options will work for all victims, but that's why I advocate for a variety of treatment options being made available, so the best ones can be found for the individual.

As I side note, I really hate the term "feeling blue" in this context. I think it minimizes the seriousness of depression and sends a message that it's a disease that is not taken seriously.

Fish Oil is not Snake Oil

2007-01-04T12:55:00.000-05:00

Studies have not shown if fish liver oil helps with depression. Science sometimes fails to be like the thing that it studies; that is, slow-moving and focused. I have not the slightest idea if fish oil has any impact on depression (although it is probably as effective a placebo as anything else out there), but I'm pretty sure that you aren't going to get fast results out of a natural phenomenon.

Any scientific study must be funded, and most funding comes from the companies that profit from research - the ones making products that they can sell. Sunlight, plants you can pick from your own garden, and air just aren't going to be studied as serious treatments for anything since they're free and plentiful (unless a marketing person can find a way to sell us what we already have, a la pet rocks); things like fish oil and cow pies and cat hair are all common enough that it would be tough to charge a lot for treatments derived from them, also discouraging the really big research bucks. We aren't likely to see long-term studies on depression treatments that nobody can make money from.

There have been some amazing breakthroughs for treatments of all manner of diseases through new drugs. That doesn't mean that every drug is wonderful, nor does it mean that every disease's cure is in pill form. Well-trained pharmaceutical representatives earn a great living convincing doctors to prescribe their products, and no one is out there equally passionately pitching St. John's wort, taking a walk every day, fish oil, getting a puppy, copper bracelets, and believing in God (at least in doctor's offices). Plenty of alternative therapies may be effective, but the medical community isn't designed to find out.

Of course, I can't say that I would like the idea of being accosted by fish-oil salesmen.

Placebo: What Your Brain Can Do for You

2006-12-22T07:03:00.000-05:00

The placebo effect is the measurable, observable, or felt improvement in health not attributable to treatment. This effect is believed by many people to be due to the placebo itself in some mysterious way.

So states this article on placebos and depression from the Skeptic's Dictionary, and appropriate resource. Like this UCLA article about placebo usage, it discusses how, when a patient is told they are receiving a placebo, the effectiveness often goes away. Is this because the treatment was all in their heads? Or that the depression was?

Many studies try to compensate for the "placebo effect." Others, more recently, have specifically studied this factor as a healing process. A study by Dr. Arif Khan showed, according to the New York Times, that:

It turns out that the more severely depressed people are, the less likely they are to respond to a placebo. And people with more mild depressions get better with just about all treatments, including placebos. Since most clinical trials enroll less severely depressed patients, the observed difference between the response to an antidepressant and a placebo can be misleadingly small.

Other studies, including one by Dr. Irving Kirsch, suggest that medications are nearly useless because the placebo effect is so high in depression treatment. Meanwhile, doctors wrestle with the ethics of "tricking" patients with placebos.

I think the point is not quite being realized by the scientific community. Depression is a disease that is has an effect upon the body as well, because the brain controls all things. Placebo is the brain's natural ability to repair damage to all the human systems. This process is easily interrupted by doubts and limiting beliefs. At this point in our development we have identified the process, and we recognize that it can be encouraged by presenting patients with a physical talisman, if you will, of healing; the pill. More severely depressed people need more than a sugar pill because they are so very sick their limiting beliefs extend deep into the unconscious, metastasizing like cancer. They need medications to bring them to the point where the placebo process can recover enough to even try to work.

I foresee a time when the scientific community will focus serious research on placebos, not to remove them as a variable or identify what is "in a patient's mind," but to determine how to harness our own healing ability and hone it. This research will not be conducted by drug companies, because it would not be advantageous to cure such a lucrative market for maintenance medications. It will be research into areas currently sidelined as psychology or superstition, and will tap into the true potential of the human brain.

The lucky depression patients have found other avenues to unlock these secrets, either through sugar pills or prayer or exercise or therapy, and they have been given a chance at true healing, y allowing their brains to overcome depression naturally. It's time the scientific community figures out a way to give the rest of the victims that opportunity.

Self-Care Options

2006-12-14T14:35:00.000-05:00

This article reinforces my position on the paradox of depression: you aren't going to get better if you can't learn to do it yourself, but depression keeps you from believing that this is possible. Drugs and therapy can be important tools for recovery, but neither of them will succeed without your help, and neither of them should be considered for a lifetime. If you plan for a day when you won't need them you're much more likely to reach that day.

Either of those treatment options may give you the needed push to get to a point where you can do something for yourself, crawl just far enough out of your own personal pit that you can take at least a small amount of responsibility for your own recovery. If they can't get you to that level, and you aren't functional enough to make it there without further help, you should find that help. Never forget that the worst symptom you have is the belief that you are going to stay this way, that nothing you do can change it, that it's pointless to even try. Don't give in to that crap, because if you expect the worst you're rarely disappointed. Do you have anything to lose by trying for more? Can it really get worse than it is? Really?

Some thoughts on the five suggestions given:

Keep Active: yep, I've mentioned how important even a little bit of exercise can be. Don't want to get out of bed? Consider having a friend drag you out if necessary.
Eat well. A well-balanced eating strategy will help you feel better now and later. Good thought. I've had comments here from depression victims that eat like crap, and it shows in the writing that they're just making things worse. Your body needs good fuel to do a good job.
Get adequate sleep. I would modify this to say, "Get appropriate sleep." Insomnia is a symptom of depression, but I was more prone to the fourteen-to-sixteen-hour power nap. I psychiatrist I knew said that the best way to regulate sleep is to get up at the same time, every day, without fail. Your body will take care of the rest.
Control stress. Coping with depression is stressful enough, so try to limit other sources of stress. And depression does a marvelous job of amplifying the other stress, doesn't it?
Stay connected. Make relationships a priority. Social ties give you a sense of purpose and meaning in life. I can't emphasize this more. You need to be around people, even if you don't feel like it, because even if you believe you're alone in a crowd it is better than being alone alone. Do it even if you don't want to.

Fun and Games

2006-12-12T19:23:00.000-05:00

My post on gifts for a depressed person has been really well-received, so I know I hit a nerve there. I thought I would follow up with some talk about board games, why you should buy them, give them, and play them.

Board games are a really wonderful way to bond with other people, even people with which you (think you) don't have anything in common. As an angry young teenager I would willingly play Trivial Pursuit with all sorts of people that I thought were absolutely horrible, even my parents. I learned that Dad, even though he was a complete idiot, was really pretty smart, and so was my brother-in-law and even my grandmother. Better still, I learned that I was pretty smart, too.

Board games depend somewhat on chance, so there's a good possibility of doing well even if your heart isn't in it. I think the games that require teams are best, because you reinforce belonging as well as accomplishment. Team board games are also especially good at bringing people together across age barriers.

Win or lose you generally have fine in spite of yourself. If your team loses and you, the depression victim, tries to blame yourself, the fun of the game usually trumps the desire to win and you find that your teammates won't let you blame yourself. Now if you are friends with a serious competition junkie and poor sportsman, this won't be the case. We can talk about self-esteem and destructive relationships another time, however. I'm talking about normal human beings here.

If you're still at a loss for how to spend your holiday budget, I think a good board game like Apples to Apples should appear beneath your tree, or wherever your gifts are stored until opening time.

Recruitment!

2006-12-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

Depression Stinks would like to find out more about how depression affects all people. If you are a current or former depression victim, or work with depression victims on a regular basis, and have a blogger account, please leave a comment if you would be interested in becoming a team member of this blog.

Application comments should include:

The type of experience you have had with depression (personal or professional)
Areas of treatment of particular interest to you
Any types of depression that you have a particular knowledge about
A stated commitment to a minimum posting frequency (although daily would be tremendous, honesty would be preferred)

Team members will be expected to chronicle experiences, comment on research, and discuss the cultural, political, and religious issues that affect and are affected by depression.

Cleaning House

2006-12-12T18:49:00.000-05:00

Is a messy home a caused by depression, or is depression caused by a messy home? I've heard passing references to a link between disorganization on the outside and fogginess on the inside, but I wasn't able to find any research on the subject. I know that I'm no stranger to having a bit of untidiness in my life, and there are plenty of other people I know who fall into both the categories of "depression victim" and "house cleaning challenged."

However, as my mother would say, "Dull women have immaculate homes."

There might be some wisdom to the axiom linking an orderly environment with an orderly mind, but until someone does a study I'm not making any pronouncements. However, I think it's fair to say that a messy home feeds really well into the cycle of I'm-not-good-enough that depression creates and builds upon. If you don't have the energy or focus to clean, it's pretty certain you'll put it off. As the mess builds, so does the guilt. The problem gets bigger as the guilt feeds the depression, which diminishes the energy levels and reinforces how impossible the task is. You know the drill, you've probably done it to yourself. Charming little cycle of self-recrimination and self-fulfilling prophecies. You expect that you can't clean the place up, and your mind works overtime to make sure that it doesn't make a liar of you. Didn't think you had that much mental energy, did you?

As with everything depression-related, small victories add up. Commit to not adding to the mess today. You will not create another dirty dish without washing it. One dish isn't so tough. And those socks? Just force yourself to put them in the hamper; you'll be glad you did. Keep up on not adding to the mess, and you'll see you can control your world after all. Then you'll be ready to take a step or two towards the bigger mess.

I would keep making small victories. Don't try to clean every dish in the kitchen, but do try to wash all the ones in the sink. Maybe picking up all the dirty laundry is a bit much right now, but how about just the stuff that you piled on your bed? Each time you succeed you're teaching yourself that you are capable and you are in charge.

Who Is Terence?

2006-12-11T09:31:00.000-05:00

I've been asked to talk a little bit about who I am and what I'm doing with this blog.

I suffered off and on from depression from before puberty until my early thirties, with periods of suicidal thoughts. I have tried treatments ranging from therapy to drugs to prayer to exercise to pets to, most effective for me, belief in myself. I'm amazed to this day that a disease that has had such a profound effect upon my life was able to insinuate itself without me noticing.

Depression Stinks is my way of giving a gift to other victims. I know that this disease can be conquered and I want to help others find the right way for them.

Depression is a disease that encourages solitude, and I hope that this blog makes people realize that they're not alone. I also welcome contributors to share their own experiences and viewpoints in posts of their own as well as comments; there is no one correct treatment any more than there is just one way to suffer from this insidious disease.

Memory Loss

2006-12-11T08:09:00.000-05:00

If being depressed isn't enough with the lousy attitude, lack of desire to act, and complete disinterest in doing just about anything, a lot of victims have to deal with memory loss as well. It came to my attention just last night that a lot of people aren't aware of this complication from depression; perhaps they're just forgetting? What a sick and twisted thing to have happen . . . a symptom that prevents itself from being noticed!

I found a study on depression and anxiety for starters, so I was quickly able to confirm that there has been research in this area. It's interesting that the study found that while anxiety alone does not have an effect on memory, it can significantly compound with depression. It suggests that other studies that did not control for anxiety levels were frustrating to analyze.

I then discovered that there is a newsletter devoted to memory loss, and they had a wonderful article specifically addressing memory loss and depression a few years back. Salient points include:

Memory loss, like motivation and focus, are likely affected by the levels of neurotransmitters in the brain.
The mind filters memory to match mood; depressed people are much more likely to remember times when they're sad than they are to recall happy experiences. "It also reinforces the person's drab and negative view of life, fueling the depression."
Long term memories are not actually being lost so much as they are never forming at all due to the lack of focus and attention.
Treatment of the depression alleviates the memory problems.

I'm able to wrap my mind around the memory loss more comfortably now. Essentially, depression victims aren't able to pay enough attention to form as many memories, and the depression filters those so that the ones that reinforce the disease come more easily to mind. It's one more way that this disease becomes invisible, comfortable, and usual in the mind of its victims.

Goal for today: write down a good thing as soon as it happens. Many treatments suggest some sort of journal; if you want to make this part of one then by all means go ahead. If not in a journal, put it someplace you will see it, like on your refrigerator. You're experiencing happiness despite your depression, and you deserve to know about it.

Giving Perspective

2006-12-10T10:12:00.000-05:00

One of the ways that depression works to gain control of a person's life is to instill a perception of changelessness. You always felt this way; it's not a disease so much as it is who you are. Nobody ever cared and you should not waste anybody's time by telling them your problems. Happiness is not meant for your life. The dark cloud that surrounds a depression victim makes it impossible to see things that are positive, helpful, promising.

Now comes a tool from the Families for Depression Awareness that can help remove that metaphorical blindness. It allows a victim to see progress that is made in treatment by carefully tracking it. It's a simple concept but a very important one. It breaks that perception that nothing has ever changed and nothing ever will change by showing, in the victim's own words, what things were like yesterday, last week, last month.

By involving family it also helps break down the belief that you're alone in this journey. Solitude is depression's friend, and it withers if you convince the victim that they are not alone. Mind you it takes a consistent effort to make that point, and even minor setbacks can bring you all the way to Square One, but this tool is a good way to involve the people that care about the victim and help them reinforce that fact.

Tasteful Research Opens Doors

2006-12-10T09:57:00.000-05:00

Scientists have discovered that, not only do depression and anxiety have a measurable effect upon the sense of taste, it is even possible to determine which chemicals are most out of balance by how taste has been diminished. This is exciting for a couple of reasons.

This is the first research I have seen that shows physical evidence of anhedonia, the inability to experience pleasure. Anything that reinforces the physical nature of depression is very important. Research that demonstrates the physical symptoms of this disease go a long way towards dispelling the myth that it is "in your head." That phrase makes it sound like depression victims make a decision to suffer, which is not true. Ironically, the very nature of the disease does cause those selfsame victims to make a decision to continue suffering, but this doesn't occur until the will is compromised. Scientific research can demonstrate the physical nature of this disease, although I am of the belief that it will never discover a physical organism, a "depression virus," if you will. The root is not in the body, although much of the damage ends up there.

Diagnosis by taste-test is really just a fancy way of suggesting that we should listen to what our bodies are telling us. We are given a plethora of clues about our health, day in and day out, and either we ignore them or we just don't understand what they mean. Now we have an additional level of understanding, and another tool to use in the evaluation of our health. Another piece of the puzzle is slipped into place as diminished taste is coupled with diminished appetite in some people. We have been given one more solid tool to use to to sweep away the miasma; something corporeal with which to document a disease that prides itself on being as vaporous and insubstantial as a hunting vampire.

Medical Reinforcement (sort of)

2006-12-07T19:58:00.000-05:00

Dr. Neubauer has located some studies that support what I have stated previously, namely that there are steps you can take to improve your mood and your sense of accomplishment, including caring for pets and exercise. I understand that his training is scientific and so he will only support any treatment option so far as the scientific method can document its success, but I take exception of his downplaying the value of these treatments, as well as herbal remedies like St. John's Wort, which I will discuss more in detail in a future post. For now, suffice it to say that there have been studies that demonstrate this herb's efficacy, just not, apparently, published in any journal the doctor respects.

I'm also not surprised that he does not include such vehicles as prayer and self-affirmation, as these are exceedingly difficult to document in a laboratory. Being unverifiable is not the same is being unsuccessful, however. Expectation is often half the battle.

Will Employers Actually Help?

2006-12-07T19:41:00.000-05:00

This is an interesting study - careful tracking of employees through screening and treatment, even accounting for various levels of quality of treatment, to see how much productivity could be improved by working to overcome the depression. I'm more amazed with the process than with the results. The keys to such an enhanced depression screening program working would be twofold:

First, the employers must recognize that the cost of replacing an employee with another, which would not include the cost of depression treatment, would still be higher. Training and development, even for a relatively low-challenge job like fast food, can amount to thousands of dollars. The investment would be a crap shoot if you consider that a lack of depression screening could land another underperforming individual on the payroll.

Second, it must be mandatory, or it will be a failure. Nobody submits themselves for depression screening, or nearly nobody. Half of the depression victims don't realize they have a problem and the other half are too ashamed to admit it. Most of the people with a need would never be identified, so the cost would have no offset in value.

Employers are very results-oriented, so hard data such as these are promising. It is still likely only to be implemented by employers that are independent enough not to have to answer to stakeholders that are so shortsighted that they resist anything without an immediate benefit, and only in industries where employees are likely to stay more than the five years projected by the study as the point at which savings develop.

Gift For a Depressed Person

2006-12-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

Holidays can be a very difficult time for the victim of depression. As I've discussed in the last post, it is very easy for well-intentioned holiday activities to completely overwhelm the depressed person. If you know someone who's depressed (some warning signs can be found here if you're not sure), you might want to prepare a gift that takes their disease into consideration. Here are some ideas:

Presence, not presents: present them with an invitation or a certificate that requests that they spend the holiday or a specific time with you. Make it quite clear that no gifts will be exchanged, no food is to be prepared, and nothing special is required. If they tell you, "I'm afraid I won't be very good company," tell them, "That may be true, but I will be." If you sincerely care about this person and are willing to see who dwells beneath the cloud of gloom that their disease has helped them make for themselves, this may be the best gift you could give. If you and they are lucky, they will be able to tell you it made them happy. If not, trust that it did.

Focus on the positive: Put together a photo album, a slide show on a CD, or a letter or scrapbook that centers on positive things you have shared. A well-depressed person doesn't see themselves as having any value, and this kind of effort serves to remind them of things they've almost certainly forgotten. Depression can cause memory loss, and you can bet that the good ones go first. This is a gift that will be cherished.

Ask for help: This may or may not work, depending on the level of the depression. My mother has suffered from depression on and off for most of my life. The holidays have always been important to her, and I knew that being at a loss for things to suggest to her for gift ideas wouldn't sit well with her. Since I didn't have any wants particularly, I requested that she create a needlework piece for me. Mom has always been an avid needlework artist, ranging from knitting to crewel to embroidery to counted cross stitch. Her hands knew what to do even though her mind didn't see the point, so the act of creation served as a reminder of the value she held to me.

Bright Blessings: If you share a religious belief with the victim, or at the very least he or she isn't a diehard atheist, offering a tangible blessing may be helpful. Depressed people have very often lost their faith, and cannot pray for themselves, even if they know that prayer is a very important part of their ability to overcome the disease. Give them a promise, one you intend to keep, that you will pray for them daily or weekly for a set amount of time. Put it in writing. As an alternative, find an appropriate candle and either bless it yourself or have it blessed by someone who has taken religious orders or their equivalent. Specifically focus the blessing on light, be it the Light of Jesus or the return of the sun or the oil that burned for eight days, or whatever makes sense in your tradition. Tell them to burn the candle at their lowest point in the day.

Use Holidays Properly

2006-12-05T10:06:00.000-05:00

Why are there so many holidays in December and January? We have Hanukkah, Christmas, Yule, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve, St. Lucia's Day, and all manner of variations on those, as will as ancillary celebrations (such as Advent). In one form or another, these celebrations focus on happiness or light. Celebrations of light, all clustered around the longest night of the year? Surely this is not a random occurrence. Obviously the human spirit craves light and the life it brings, and the dark times of less activity and more eating are being offset by singing, candles, parties (okay, that's also a handy excuse for eating), and opportunities to spend time with other people: cultural and religious offsets to the physiological reactions to winter. We understand that times of cold and darkness can wear away at our resolve, and we fight back by creating a flurry of activities aimed, purportedly, at joyfulness at this darkest time. Hopefully it's enough to carry us through the remaining ice and snow as the days grow longer.

Enter depression, subtle twister of goodness.

Looking at the world through the unwholesome filter of depression can make a good thing into a painful experience. Holidays are designed to bring people together; you just want to be left alone. They encourage you to give; you're overwhelmed by the idea of shopping, or terrified that you'll choose the wrong item. Indoor creative crafts flourish; your mind is a pile of mush and you're sure you can create or decorate anything.

If you've read this blog for any amount of time you know that it's my firm belief that depression has physiological, psychological, and spiritual components, and gleefully will attack you on all those fronts. This is a time of year when it can use the forces of nature (less sunlight and warmth) as its strength, overwhelming the forces of culture (social activities, giving and happiness). Well if it will use the momentum of the year, you can too.

Go to the parties, even if you sit by yourself. Joy is also an infectious disease, and if you expose yourself to it you may find that you catch it. Surround yourself with people that won't judge you for your failings - there is no better time of year to find the goodness in your fellow man than right now. Sing and don't care how you sound. If buying gifts is too expensive or you hate the crowds, try making your own and (here's the trick) stop caring if they're perfect. Spend some time volunteering as a Santa or Salvation Army bell-ringer. Force yourself to be in situations where you will be exposed to the goodness of humanity.

All the drugs in the world will not get you out of bed. Your therapist and your gods cannot do this for you either. Depression is working very, very hard to convince you that you have no power, no worth, no purpose. Set yourself a schedule of things to do, things that intellectually you know are good at this time of year, and stick to it no matter what. You will find many, many excuses to avoid positive, social activities, because the more of them you engage in the more the depression will fight back and try to suck you back in. That's why I suggest literally writing down (or getting a friend to, if you must) your holiday activities and going through the motions. Sooner or later the habit will find its way in deeper, helping out whatever treatments you might have going for you.

And then you'll discover the most amazing gift of all - that you can.

Wellbutrin and SAD

2006-12-04T10:54:00.000-05:00

I think the most promising thing about this discussion of Wellbutrin is that it's only recommended to be taken during the dark months. It's very easy to get into a maintenance program with depression, and it's often not necessary. Long-term medication creates a dependence in a way that isn't defined by the scientific community; it's a belief that develops that one cannot be well without a drug, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you're depressed you're already extremely susceptible to the belief that you are simply not a strong person, and drugs can easily reinforce that by becoming a security blanket. Properly used, a medication for most depression victims should be a trainer, showing their minds what health looks like so that they can reproduce it in themselves.

That being said, I'm glad that Wellbutrin might be useful for SAD sufferers. If it gets you through the darkest times, and allows you enough energy and motivation to modify your behavior for health (exercising, exposing yourself to more sunlight), then it could be a godsend for many. Only for a very small percentage of depression victims is a permanent drug solution logical. And I know how you think if you're depressed, so let me make this clear: you're not one of that small percentage. Don't believe it. The light is inside you, and the drug is only a tool that can bring you back to the level where you can find and use what you've had all along.

Dark Times Ahead

2006-12-03T10:48:00.000-05:00

Seasonal Affective Disorder is really only the beginning. You don't have to be crippled badly enough by the season alone to have it really affect you negatively. "Winter blues" leads to a lack of energy and a desire to eat more in all of us to some extent, and if you're otherwise depressed this can compound your symptoms.

The metaphor of darkness and light works well with depression because darkness and light have very significant physiological effects upon us. Diurnal is the standard behavior cycle for most living things, and even though we humans can act against type, we are generally responsive to having light in our lives. Darkness is a time of hibernation, introspection, preparing for the light to return. Sunlight encourages us to think, to act, to experience outwardly rather than inwardly. Both are perfectly normal and healthy and we need a balance between focusing on within versus focusing on without. With depression, though, darkness takes precedence, and the darkness that is created within magnifies the darkness in the world until it's unbearable.

You might be eating more and feel guilt over the weight you're gaining, or think you're gaining. Or you're less motivated to exercise. Or when the sun sets at 4:30 in the afternoon it feels like all the light in your life is vanishing with it.

The light box described in the link is probably not necessary for someone who is depressed but not specifically prone to SAD. However, daily walks in the daylight will get your blood flowing, expose you to sunlight, and get you the exercise you need anyway. You don't want to exercise if you're depressed (since depression discourages you from doing anything that might benefit you), and this is just compounded by the time of year.

The sunlight is going to be diminishing for a few more weeks. Make an extra effort to get outside, even if it's cold out. Buy a full-spectrum bulb or two if you can. Set your alarm for the same time every day and get up, no matter how much you don't want to. It's going to turn around soon, and before long you'll see that the light creeps in a little earlier and lingers a bit longer than it had been. Don't be afraid to make a note of the time so you recognize the increased light more quickly. The light always returns. That's a promise.

You Deserve Better Than Hope

2006-11-30T09:27:00.000-05:00

Hope implies that we have a chance, even a small one, of getting what we hope for.

Hope is a funny construct - it can pull people out of the pits of despair, giving them the power to survive and succeed, but when dashed it can shatter a soul.

Hope is a passive, yet passionate, state.

Hope does not lead to action. In many cases it is a substitute for action.

Hope is somewhat optimistic, and largely dangerous.

If you're emotionally vulnerable and have a desire for a better turn of events, I don't think hope is the best way to go. Yes, there is a chance that things will turn out as you hope they will. But only a chance.

Because hope doesn't do the work, and for a depressed person it just becomes an excuse.

"Nothing ever goes right for me. I should just give up."

If I hope to win the lottery and don't buy a ticket, whose fault is that? That one might be too obvious. If I apply for a job, and hope I get it, but I never call to follow up on the application, whose fault is that? The hiring manager's? Mine, maybe?

It's really easy to be passive about life when you've got the thousand-pound weight of depression on your soul. You hope for good things to happen, but you expect those hopes to be dashed. When they are, you can easily confirm your suspicion that your life sucks, your luck is terrible, the Universe is against you, and you smell funny.

Okay, that last one is just your imagination, unless you have another issue.

But actually that last one is just like the rest of them - they're all things that you can change, but only when you stop being passive about them!

Hope is a dream killer. Sure, sometimes things work out as we hoped they would. But then we are robbed of the satisfaction of accomplishing them, because they just . . . happened. And if those good things didn't happen through our actions, then we have not learned how to make them happen again. Dreams that come true through the random action of the Universe don't turn into phenomenal stories of personal transformation any more often than single-celled organisms evolve into sentient primates with language and culture.

I'll let you look up the odds on that for yourself.

If you feel the need to hope for an outcome, do yourself a favor and find out what it would take to get yourself there. Does it seem too big a goal? No worries. Find a smaller goal, one that you can achieve, that will move you closer. Is your goal to be free of depression? Maybe the best goal you can achieve for yourself is calling a counseling center. Doesn't seem like much, but if you make that call, you have taken action. You are teaching yourself that you refuse to allow yourself to drift aimlessly through life. You are empowered to make decisions that will affect your fate.

Personal responsibility is washed away by hope; hoping absolves us the obligation for our own lives.

Don't let depression suck you down into that hole where you believe all that claptrap about not having power. You do. And you can start using it as soon as you realize that there are much better tools out there than hope.

Postpartum Depression

2006-11-28T07:45:00.000-05:00

I'm not a woman, so until a friend gave birth I really never gave any thought to postpartum depression. I've never experienced the massive hormonal changes that a woman's body is put through, and that are a significant factor in these cases. But this site had some really interesting things to say.

"Some women don’t tell anyone about their symptoms because they feel embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty about feeling depressed when they are supposed to be happy. " Hmm, that sounds familiar . . . I guess postpartum depression might have some different causes, but it's the same evil monkey on your back regardless. The extra twist of guilt that comes because you have brought a new life into the world and feel bad is a nice touch.

"Some researchers have found that depression during pregnancy can raise the risk of delivering an underweight baby or a premature infant." In case there is anyone left on the planet that doesn't get it yet, depression is a disease that has physical symptoms. "It's all in your head" is a fine and dandy way to minimize it unless you consider the fact that your head, your brain, is the controlling force in every aspect of your life. Your body is affected by depression. Your spirit certainly so. And if you a bringing a new life into the world, its very survival can be affected by depression. It's not about guilt or shame. If you had cancer and you were pregnant you would take care not to let the treatments harm your child. If you had HIV you would take pains to minimize the risk of your child getting the disease. If you are sick and pregnant, or become sick while pregnant, you need to get treatment, for your child's sake as well as your own.

"Postpartum depression can affect a mother’s ability to parent. She may lack energy, have trouble concentrating, be irritable, and not be able to meet her child’s needs for love and affection." This just adds to the cascading failure that depression feeds. If you're limited in your energy and motivation to parent, you know it. It causes guilt, which feeds the depression.

Many women experience massive mood swings in the days following a birth. Anyone who knows a woman who is about to give birth or has just done so needs to be especially aware of her state of mind, so that it can be quickly determined if those hormonal changes have set into motion a longer term problem.

Depression Stinks

2006-11-27T20:01:00.000-05:00

This blog is about the depths that we can sink to.

It is about the heights that we can reach.

It is about the powerlessness that we may feel.

It is about the control we can take.

Depression incites suicidal feelings because it erodes hope and happiness. It causes physical pain, emotional instability and spiritual barrenness. It attacks us on every level of our being, and must be treated on all levels as well.

It is understandable that some of us are without hope, that some of us believe that there will never be an end to the blackness. That's what depression does, it undermines our very ability to fight it.

I am not convinced that hope comes in a bottle, be it prescribed or self-selected. It is not placed neatly on an altar, nor is it asking us to lie back on a couch and share feelings from our childhood. Hope must blend these things, in a recipe as unique as the person who suffers from this disease.

This post, and this blog, is dedicated to the countless thousands who believe that hope has abandoned them in the darkness.

Maybe it's the fur?

2006-11-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

RemedyFind has an extensive amount of information on depression, ranging from details on the various kinds of depression, to a regular newsletter on new research, to an extensive list of treatments rated by members. Only the top ten best-rated treatments with at least one hundred ratings are displayed on the front page, but the complete list is really quite instructive. Sortable alphabetically, by average rating or number of ratings, it goes through so many options that I realize I have a lot more research to do just to understand them all. For example, I did not know that a gluten-free diet has been proposed for treating depression. Apparently none of the RemedyFind members have tried it yet, but it's interesting to see that an alternative like that, or contraceptives, or even just reading blogs and email newsletters are included as potential alternatives.

I think some of the therapies that have not yet been sufficiently evaluated to be included in the top ten are quite instructive. Only 36 members have tried prayer, and it scores an 8.1. More amazing still is the emotional support of pets, scoring an impressive 8.9 with 63 votes in. I'm going to keep an eye on the list to see how those two, in particular, do as more ratings come in. I've spoken a bit about prayer already, so I'm going to speculate a bit about pets, in particular mammals, since that's where my own experience lies.

I have had cats as companions all my life. They are incredibly empathic creatures, sensitive to your moods and able to sense when you're about to go to the bathroom, settling on your lap just moments before the pressure in your bladder builds to a climax. Granted, they have a sadistic sense of humor, but they also use this sensitivity to know when you need to be reminded of the nature of love. I have only had one dog, but he and the others I have known have made it obvious that, although they may be slightly less sensitive to the shifting moods of the human, they are even moreso a vehicle of unconditional love. Love is, in my opinion, the vital tool that pets wield, both innocently and adeptly.

Your pet does not judge you if you can't get out of bed one day. Their eyes do not accuse if you forget their birthday. They don't laugh at you when you try and fail, or give up without trying. This raw emotion of love that they project is in its most primitive form, unrefined by the nuance of human behavior. It is easy to understand, and it is easy to accept that there are no motivations for it. If depression has led to anhedonia then that love may be the first form of pleasure the victim is again able to feel. In turn, the victim will be more likely to take care of basic tasks, such as feeding, walking, and litter cleaning, for the pet than they are for themselves in some cases.

Feeling love. Completing basic tasks. For some serious sufferers, this marks amazing progress.

Other animals, rodents and fish and reptiles, probably can achieve similar results. However, insidious as it is, depression can turn that love into responsibility, and responsibility into guilt. There is no magic bullet, but the right pet can make a wonderful impact.

Irony of Prayer

2006-11-27T08:58:00.000-05:00

Prayer is a powerful tool for healing, whether it is physical, emotional, or spiritual damage that must be repaired. In the case of depression, what better treatment option can there be but prayer?

Of course, prayer requires faith, which is generally rooted in hope. Depression attacks that hope as thoroughly as leukemia attacks white blood cells. If you're deep in the black pit, there is very little chance that you have any belief in God, by any name. Your pain is so complete that you no longer feel it, and your hope has been replaced, if you're lucky, with a desire to subsist and survive in the dark world you have created for yourself.

Mr. Bloch suggests having others do the praying for you as well as trying it yourself. This is an excellent suggestion, because it removes the victim from the onerous task of having any hope. I never had that idea when I was myself depressed, since that's the nature of the disease. I will expand on his list of services if I find more and varied ones.

Ketamine No Quick Answer

2006-11-26T08:03:00.000-05:00

Ketamine is a veterinary anesthetic that has been used recreationally for at least ten years. Early research suggests that it could have the ability to address all the symptoms of depression, with the effects being felt in hours, rather than the weeks it can often take with traditional antidepressant medications.

However, the hallucinatory properties of this drug have to be considered before any serious look at it as a treatment option could take place. And considering how easily depressed persons self-medicate with any number of substances, it would be counterproductive to prescribe a drug that already has a history of being abused. Even though it appears to be treating the actual symptoms, not just inducing euphoria, the frustrating truth is that it would be too easy to turn a blind eye to "Special K" as a fun drug and doom many depression victims to a life of more drug dependence instead of more freedom from pain.

Seems like a cruel joke, but it really isn't. If ketamine had "instant relief" properties with no obvious dangers, it would be fast-tracked through the approval process, with drug companies rubbing their hands together with glee at the thought of being able to sell it at a much higher price, since the potential market would be expanded from house cats in need of surgery to a large percentage of the human population. Media reports would herald it as the cure we've all been waiting for. Much fanfare would ensue.

Drugs, however, have a strange habit of hiding some of their side effects for months, even years. Fast track research didn't benefit the users of Vioxx. Better to not allow large companies to quickly capitalize on the desire for hope, and make sure they do their homework. The last thing we want is to cause more harm than good.

Male Fertility Affected by Treatment

2006-11-26T07:36:00.000-05:00

Two case studies suggest that certain serotonin reuptake inhibitors may reduce sperm motility. My first thought was, "do these guys need another, literal kick in the jimmy?" But in truth, I doubt it would make a whole helluva a lot of difference to them.

Antidepressants frequently inhibit sexual desire. Depression itself is more likely to inhibit any desire to do anything about that sexual desire. Social interaction is almost completely beyond your abilities, and masturbation, if you can be bothered, often leaves you feeling worse than you did before you started. It's sometimes the price a victim chooses to pay, give up a meaningful sex life for a chance at a meaningful life.

This case study suggests that under certain circumstances, it's possible that one would lose the ability to have children by treating their depression. To some, the idea of being without children would easily overpower the SSRI that they were using in treatment. The disease would key into that primordial instinct, propagate the species, and use it to overcome the drugs. For others, the desire to procreate has already been satisfied, or is already compromised by other factors, such as a vasectomy, vow of chastity, sexual orientation, or erectile dysfunction. If the victim has already made peace with not having children in the future, it is possible that a treatment which had this side effect wouldn't be such a bad thing. However, depression is a wily foe, and it's not unheard for someone that has had a vasectomy, for example, to be suddenly hit by a wave of depression upon hearing that their depression medication is rendering them infertile. Such is the insidious power of this disease, which is why it can never be treated as if it were a merely physical disease.

It Sneaks Up

2006-11-25T22:40:00.000-05:00

What are the early warning signs of depression?

Not as easy question to answer.

For starters, the early signs of depression are entirely internal. Lack of motivation. Lack of pleasure. Lack of focus. Maybe lack of sleep. So if you don't share your life with an incredibly astute and empathic person, nobody else is going to have a snowball's chance in Hell of noticing.

Secondly, symptoms of depression are incremental, and creeping. They build like the lengthening darkness builds after the summer solstice: gradually, naturally, so that it doesn't seem for quite some time that anything is different. We are creatures of routine and habit, so it's easier to believe that nothing has changed by subconsciously adapting to these new circumstances than it is to identify a problem and change to resolve it. Change causes pain, right now. Depression also causes pain, but not right away, and since you can build up a tolerance, it doesn't seem so bad. It's easier to ignore it, deny it, forget it.

Of course, that's the amazing thing about depression: it works within the psychic immune system to maintain its own invisibility. It uses our own adaptiveness to hide the destruction that it's wreaking for as long as it can. If and when it's noticed, there's very little chance that the victim can do anything on their own to fix the problem.

When I was first diagnosed as having depression, in my early twenties, I was able to trace the symptoms back over ten years. I didn't know what it was and I didn't get concerned, because it happened so organically I just assumed it was life unfolding in the ordinary way.

The next time I succumbed to its darkness I again tricked myself. I should have known what it was and actively worked to abolish it, but it managed to slide into my spirit and insinuate itself into my life, again without my noticing. We are a prideful and stubborn creature, and we don't like to admit weakness. Depression masks itself as a weakness, so we hide it rather than treat it like the disease that it is. We accept the social stigma at face value and cluck over the sadness of it, rather than recognize it as a strategy of a willful, malevolent disease that will do whatever it takes to inculcate itself into our lives.